Please don’t be depressed after you read this. I’ve seen movies become unrecognizable after I gave them a bad review. It’s probably because my opinion is so well-known and respected that the other movies know that the end is coming if I didn’t like them.
That’s not the case with you, Gravity. You had plenty of great aspects: the special effects were awesome, the score was cool, and I enjoy space movies. George Clooney is amazing, and he came through, even in you.
Sandra Bullock. Okay, she’s not your fault. Whoever decided that she was a good fit for you should probably rethink their career. Something that requires less talent, maybe. Ever since seeing you, I’ve heard great things about her, but when I hear her name I can only think of her whiny voice and horrible acting. You should be angry at her. She completely ruined you. Gravity, I was twelve when I saw you for the first time, and even then I was disgusted with her performance.
To be honest, I was confused the whole time I was watching you. Was I supposed to like her character? You only had two characters, and you killed off the good one halfway through. I assume that means that you want me to root for the other one to survive, because otherwise, what’s the point of watching?
Yeah, Gravity, that was a bad move. No one actually cared about Sandra Bullock’s daughter or the red shoe that was under the bed. In fact, after George Clooney departed the scene, the sole reason I continued watching was to see if she would be killed. You really disappointed me! You repeatedly threw stuff at her that definitely should’ve killed her, yet somehow, despite the audience’s hopes, she still managed to survive.
That last scene in the capsule when she crashed down in the lake was a real cheap shot! I really thought, and hoped, that maybe after all the stuff that her despicable character had been through, she would finally bite it, but no! Somehow she got herself out of that one, too!
Almost equally disappointing is the fact that the character had potential. If someone other than Sandra Bullock had played Ryan Stone, then you could’ve been out of this world. It would have been so much more suspenseful during the intense scenes if I had liked the character, because I would have been worried about her dying. Not to mention, I didn’t think that her and George Clooney had any chemistry, which is hard to believe because George Clooney has good chemistry with just about everyone.
Speaking of George Clooney, he was probably your one good characteristic. Possibly the worst move you can make is to take the best quality you have and kill it. Not only did you do that, Gravity, but you had the remaining character’s stupidity (you guessed, Sandra Bullock) be an indirect cause of his unfortunate passing.
Really quickly, Gravity, I would like to give my professional opinion on George Clooney’s death. What the heck?! It made literally no sense at all. I’m no science whiz, but unlike you, apparently, I did take Freshman Integrated Science, so I know that there should be no force that’s pulling Clooney away from Bullock once she catches him. Your name is Gravity, and even you must know that gravity is not present in space. The death scene shouldn’t have happened, or you should’ve found another way to kill him. Or, even better, you should have killed her instead. Then we wouldn’t have to put up with those annoying breathing noises that now haunt me whenever it’s quiet.
Okay, one final complaint: you kind of screwed Interstellar over. You won a bunch of Oscars for technical stuff, which I agree with, because your special effects, cinematography, etc. were on point. You were a pretty good movie in regards to the behind-the-scenes stuff. Next year, along comes Interstellar, who is, no offense, a better movie in regards to everything. It hardly won anything! I really think it’s because you swept the Academy a year before, so Interstellar was “just another space movie like Gravity.”
Not! To! Mention! The fact that Alfonso Cuaron won best director, but once again, Chris Nolan was snubbed!
That’s not your fault, Gravity. I understand that you couldn’t control who was cast or what the Academy nominated you for. In the end, you’re a pretty decent movie, so don’t be sad.